Last year for Mothers Day, I was in Georgia, enjoying a lovely meal with my mom and dad on the Ogeechee River. Cancer had made her so slight, it was as if she'd blow away in a stiff breeze, but her mind and heart were as sharp and loving as always. It was a good visit, and one of the last things she told me, at the airport before I flew home, was that she felt good enough to last another year. Unfortunately it wasn't to be, and I was back in Georgia at the beginning of June for her funeral. I can't believe it's been almost a year since we spoke last, since I last saw her.
I miss her so.
She was so much stronger than I can ever hope to be (I can't even type this without tears), handling the worst of situations with humor, determination and practicality. She was herself to the very end, losing the battle, but never giving in. My father and I had trouble coming to terms with knowing we were going to lose her, but she accepted what was coming with considerable courage, and I am grateful, as it helped us.
I can't forget the last two years, but there's other things I'd rather focus on....
My mom loved to read; she regularly read over 100 books a year, and kept book diaries for the last few years. Our tastes were generally different, though a few authors we agreed on, like N.K. Jemison, Stephen King, Charles de Lint. She liked mysteries a lot, and she tried to fit in non-fiction (she was quite taken with a biography of Winston Churchill). When I was cleaning out the house, I found her book diaries and flipped through them a bit. I would have liked to keep them, but I couldn't keep everything.
She learned the piano as a kid, but then never played as an adult until she retired and they moved back to Georgia. Then she took up playing again, classical only. I enjoyed listening to her playing when I'd go back to visit.
She also took up sketching and watercolors in retirement; when she and my dad would travel, they'd both sit down and sketch. I saved as many as I could when I was packing up, from England, Spain, Utah, Japan and more. I also saved her writing; the two of them wrote several travel stories about their trips to England. They self-published a few in the '90s, and I have copies. The writing is charming and funny.
My mom was a good listener. I really miss talking to her each week (the skype call sound makes me really sad now). We talked about TV, movies, music, books, travel, you name it. She was good at trying to understand the things that I enjoyed. So when I started working for Y-Con, she looked up the con. She looked up stuff on Granrodeo and had me play her some of the songs (she enjoyed them). I wish we had discovered skype earlier. I like skyping, but hated phone calls.
She also liked to sew. As a kid, she made a lot of my clothes; in later years she did pillows, quilts, comforters. Crochet too (no knitting, though). I've kept a couple of her afghans, and a crocheted pillow.
Though we had both cats and dogs through the years, my mom was definitely a cat person. My grandmother used to say she wanted to come back as one of my mom's cats. She did really love our old English sheep dog Charlie, though.
I got my love of tea from my mom, though she drank only black coffee most of my adult life.
She loved stuffed bears -- the house was full of them. Fishing bears, Christmas bears, circus bears, you name it. The bear in the top picture is one I made for her from old kimono cloth.
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Her bucket list was Angkor Wat, the Orkneys and Petra. I'm glad that I got to see her experience Siem Reap.
While she liked to decorate for all holidays, Christmas was her absolute favorite. That's an understatement, really. Inside, outside, every room was decorated. Presents for miles. Transiberian CDs, The Snowman video and more. She had a collection of nutcrackers -- I rescued the Hercule Poirot on my dad made for her (you can see him above in the top picture). We always made cookies, and I'm glad my dad brought me her 3333cookie cutters. There was no Christmas bat or pig cookies last year, but I can hopefully make some for friends this year.
She liked action movies, British TV, baseball, football and Godzilla. She fell hard for Gudetama when I introduced to the lazy egg.
I know she wasn't thrilled about me moving to Japan, but she warmed to the idea after seeing how happy I became. I am grateful that she did not put up a fuss or try to guilt me into staying in the U.S.
I did not know until I was packing things up that she was spiritual, and prayed to God each night. (I found her 5 year diaries -- I kept the older one and looked at the one from last year). I had no idea. What else don't I know? Even though I don't believe, I hope she's in Heaven with my dad.
I will miss her smile and love and her unwavering belief that I am her beautiful, successful daughter. Happy Mother's day, mom -- I love you.
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